Seventeen things that are destined to occur on the Jersey Shore boardwalk

Upon walking barefoot, you will get a splinter the size of a toaster oven.
It is doubtful you will ever knock over the sidelines milk crates as they are filled with lead, unable to be knocked over by a bazooka gun.
You will not win a prize on the big wheel, it has 3650 names, numbers, symbols
At some point, one of concession handlers will offer to guess your boob size
As they charge a fee to use the bathroom stalls, someone will shit on the floor
It will cost you more to park your car for the afternoon that it will do to heat your home.
When using metered parking you get about 10 seconds per quarter, so you better be vigilant or get a ticket
People will rent out their lawn chairs, their driveways, the wheelchairs of their elderly relatives—anything for a buck.
A person will exit one of the many bars, quite drunk, and dive into the kiddie boat ride and then pee into its sidelines.
While playing dart toss, someone will inevitably miss the balloons and hit the owner of the dart toss, someone else on the puttputt golf course will strike another player in
the temple with an orange ball, and the ferris wheel will get stuck and crying and screaming will fill the area
It will cost you $42 to win a fuzzy stuffed animal that is probably foreign made and hazerdous to your health despite being worth only five bucks.
You will step in a melting ice cream cone, lemonade, tanning oil, peeled skin, cotton candy or some monstrous combination of them all. Oh the fun! (and the smell too!)
At the shaved ice counter, you will see brain freeze in all it s glory
In the stores they will try to sell you a hermit crab, it’s cage, food,
the crab is probably dead, possibly a leftover from the previous season
The stores feature seashore items; mini lighthouses, boat wheels, petrified sea horses and starfish, all marked up about 600%
They have a basketball toss, where the rim is adjusted so perfectly, pro players could not score, this stand has not given out a prize since 1978
They have a haunted house, with real actors in make up, trying to thrill people but basically the place smells of pot and piss, the
actors are always on break, and scared people sometimes freak out and kick the poor mummy or zombie

Seventeen things that are destined to occur on the Jersey Shore boardwalk

Upon walking barefoot, you will get a splinter the size of a toaster oven.

It is doubtful you will ever knock over the sidelines milk crates as they are filled with lead, unable to be knocked over by a bazooka gun.

You will not win a prize on the big wheel, it has 3650 names, numbers, symbols

At some point, one of concession handlers will offer to guess your boob size

As they charge a fee to use the bathroom stalls, someone will shit on the floor

It will cost you more to park your car for the afternoon that it will do to heat your home.

When using metered parking you get about 10 seconds per quarter, so you better be vigilant or get a ticket

People will rent out their lawn chairs, their driveways, the wheelchairs of their elderly relatives—anything for a buck.

A person will exit one of the many bars, quite drunk, and dive into the kiddie boat ride and then pee into its sidelines.

While playing dart toss, someone will inevitably miss the balloons and hit the owner of the dart toss, someone else on the puttputt golf course will strike another player in

the temple with an orange ball, and the ferris wheel will get stuck and crying and screaming will fill the area

It will cost you $42 to win a fuzzy stuffed animal that is probably foreign made and hazerdous to your health despite being worth only five bucks.

You will step in a melting ice cream cone, lemonade, tanning oil, peeled skin, cotton candy or some monstrous combination of them all. Oh the fun! (and the smell too!)

At the shaved ice counter, you will see brain freeze in all it s glory

In the stores they will try to sell you a hermit crab, it’s cage, food,

the crab is probably dead, possibly a leftover from the previous season

The stores feature seashore items; mini lighthouses, boat wheels, petrified sea horses and starfish, all marked up about 600%

They have a basketball toss, where the rim is adjusted so perfectly, pro players could not score, this stand has not given out a prize since 1978

They have a haunted house, with real actors in make up, trying to thrill people but basically the place smells of pot and piss, the

actors are always on break, and scared people sometimes freak out and kick the poor mummy or zombie

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